One Hundred Things

"Love me, because love doesn't exist, and I have tried everything that does."

It was pleasant to take a hot drink up to her room and have it beside her as she sat in her silent room reading in the empty house in the afternoons. The books transported her into new worlds and introduced her to amazing people who lived exciting lives. She went on olden-day sailing ships with Joseph Conrad. She went to Africa with Ernest Hemingway and to India with Rudyard Kipling. She travelled all over the world while sitting in her little room in an English village.

Matilda by Roald Dahl

(Source: abagofbooks, via wide-eyedmoon)

[30 Things] Day 2

Describe 2 legitimate fears you have.

I’ve honestly never been scared of much- I will pawn the spider killing off on someone else if I can, and an especially gory episode of Grey’s Anatomy might make me put down my dinner from time to time but I wouldn’t really consider either of those things fears. When it comes to fears, I tend to be a little more vague.

1. I’m scared of not moving forward. — I have never been able to settle into a job, school, really anything, without constantly thinking about what I’m going to do next. I am always perusing job ads, graduate programs, houses for sale, etc. In some ways, I think my goal lists really feed right into this, giving myself something to work towards.

2. I’m scared of losing myself by growing up. — Sometimes, I really think that I need to/really want to grow up. And that’s true, but also, I don’t ever want to really care if my socks match. 

[30 Things] Day 1

…or alternatively titled, “Girl needs inspiration.”

You know I have writers’ block. You know this, because I mention it, I dunno, every time I post, which hasn’t been all that often in several months. And I don’t really like any of those posts- at least, there were other things I wanted to say, but I just wasn’t able to come up with words. So, in order to get out of this funk, I’m trying a few things. Are you excited?

First of all, I submitted a post to a website called Thought Catalog that publishes essays and articles about all kinds of stuff. I check it almost every day, and sometimes I swear that I could have written some of them. So I decided, what the hell, why not? I’m going to find some more sites, and hopefully start submitting things fairly regularly. Maybe having a goal will help?

Second, since I was unsuccessful in my November attempt at NaNoWriMo, I’m going to do Camp NaNoWriMo this summer- it’s pretty much the same (goal is still 50,000 words in 30 days) without quite as many online resources, but still some. They do a session in June, and one in August. I’m doing one or the other. Kind of going back and forth about which one, but definitely doing one.

Third, another blog I check out pretty regularly did a 30 day series of posts using various prompts, mostly questions about their habits, personality, etc. So I’m going to try that…maybe having specific questions to answer will help me power through this funk?? Some of her prompts were pretty interesting, so over the course of the next 30 days, maybe I can figure out why the hell I’m so blocked.

So, on that note- the prompt for day 1:

List 20 Random Facts About Yourself.

1. My ring fingers are longer than my pointer fingers. I’ve been told that’s not normal, but I’ve never really confirmed that.

2. My left ankle cracks once a day really loudly. Always when I lay down to go to bed.

3. When I really love something, I never really get tired of it. I can listen to songs on repeat for days, and can re-read a book I really love countless times. I could eat pepperoni pizza for every meal.

4. When I don’t get 8 hours of sleep, I am a grump.

5. I have a love/hate relationship with my hair.

6. It’s been about 2 years since I did anything political, and I miss it every day.

7. I’m dying to get another tattoo, but I already have 3, don’t really think I should get any more, and don’t have a clue what else I would get.

8. I really love popsicles. Even when there’s no other food in our house, I have popsicles.

9. I’m addicted to Pinterest.

10. I’ve had nightmares my whole life, and still do pretty frequently.

11. I like when a man has a strong chin/jawline.

12. I almost never run the air conditioning in the car- I always drive with the windows down. 

13. My favorite thing about my best friends from college is that if you met us individually, I don’t think you’d ever guess that we were all friends.

14. I have scars on my knee that look like a smiley face- and they’re all from different falls.

15. I don’t really have any gear except full steam ahead- for example, if I like someone, or I decide I want to get involved in something, I just charge forward without any plan or direction.

16. When I’m alone in a house at night, I totally psych myself out- I hear things, and see shadows, and end up going to be at 9pm to keep myself sane.

17. At some point, I just stopped caring whether or not I look like an idiot, and life has been a lot more fun ever since. I dance a lot more.

18. I miss the days when everyone used AIM.

19. How I feel about a song is based almost entirely on the lyrics- if there is just one line that I like, I will fall in love with it.

20. I kind of like the smell of gasoline. And Sharpie markers.

I’m only really alive when I’m writing.

Tennessee Williams

You won’t do it at the right time. You’ll be late. You’ll be early. You’ll get re-routed. You’ll get delayed. You’ll change your mind. You’ll change your heart. It’s not going to turn out the way you thought it would. It will be better.

Kate Moller 

(Source: swooop, via samsonnotdelilah)

what do say in a moment like this
when you can’t find the words to tell it like it is
just bite your tongue and let your heart lead the way
let’s get out of here, oh what do you say?

Reba McEntire- What Do You Say

I just want to make a clean escape
I’m leaving but I don’t know where to
I know I’m leaving but I don’t know where to

Bright Eyes - Landlocked Blues

Things I Want To Say Today, But Just Shouldn’t, Can’t, Or Won’t.

I’m so sorry that I don’t know what to say to you. I know that there really isn’t anything to say, but it doesn’t keep me from wanting to say something. I just hope you know that I would do anything to change it all and make it better. This would break my heart if it happened to anyone, but it especially kills me that it’s you. I hope that being there is enough, because it’s all I know to do. 

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Say something. Anything. Even if what you say isn’t what I want to hear. Just don’t ignore me, don’t stay silent. That’s the worst. Now that you’re closer, you seem more distant than ever, and I can’t figure out how that’s possible, or if I did something or said something. Just talk to me, please.

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Please stop fighting with me. 

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I wish you could be here for this. I think we all need you here. I know you can’t control it, but I can’t help but be mad at you for being gone. It will feel like we’re missing an apendage without you.

113. Make the perfect road trip playlist

The best part about my playlists- or really, some might say, the worst part is that there is no rhyme or reason to them. The hardest part about a road trip playlist, is that you can never really account for what mood you’re going to be in when you get behind the wheel. Now, “Two Beer Shower”, that’s a playlist that I know I’m going to select while trying to get my party pants on. And, “Big Big Mess” is reserved for when, in a fit of rage (that may or may not turn out to be PMS, oops.) I have decided to quit my job, or throw away all the clothes in my closet, or some other bizarre behavior.

But with a road trip, there are so many variables- who is in the car with me? What is the weather like? Did I forget my sunglasses?

There’s something else: I have no taste in music. I usually say that I have bad taste, but the more I think about it, I just have no taste. I love some really great songs and artists that my music snob of a brother is very pleased to see on my iPod (and well, most of them, he put there) but also, I make no apologies for the fact that some days I just listen to “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover”, or “It’s All Coming Back To Me Now”, or songs sung my Muppets on repeat for hours. As a result, if you select a playlist on my iPod, you’re likely subjecting yourself to auditory whiplash.

The thing about creating a great road trip playlist, is that it might have the ability to save you from a rainy midnight drive from New Jersey to Virginia listening to only “Turn My Swag On” on repeat. (True story.) Or a drive from Connecticut to Maine listening to only “Cottoneyed Joe” on repeat. (Also, true story, but that one wasn’t me.) Sometimes you just don’t have the capacity to pick another song- so it’s nice to have a premade shuffle just waiting there for you.

But if the weather is just perfect, I might still drive several hours listening to “My Maria” on repeat.